Pleasing Others is OK, Why May Be the Problem

Lesson of Hope:

You may be saying, what is the harm in trying to please others? On the surface nothing, the problem resides in what is motivating us to want to please others. There are three key reasons people want to please others.

  1. To be accepted:

    We worry about being accepted and fear being alone. As a result, we live our life from the perspective of – what will make others happy with me. This can be a problem because people do not always have your best interest in mind. They can be threatened by your success, because it forces them to reevaluate the decisions in their life. If you lose weight, they have to accept their shortcomings are a result of their actions. If you are promoted or start a company, they have to accept their lack of motivation as the source of their outcome.

  2. Need approval of others: 

    When we lack confidence, we are uncomfortable making decisions. The fear not of being alone is the reason many will not reach their true potential. A leader is able to build a consensus and draw others to their cause. They do not feel the need or pressure to draw towards others. If required, they are willing to stand alone, in opposition to the desires of the group.

  3. We care for others:

    As mentioned, your motivation is the issue, not the desire to hold the needs of others in high esteem. You only need to remember one thing: you have to help yourself before you able to help others. A common example of this are the flight attendant instructions before takeoff. They inform everyone they must secure their oxygen mask before they help anyone else. It is a reminder the best way to help others is by first helping yourself.

Hope in Action:

Joe Kashurba is a web designer who went from charging $300 to $30,000 for websites. Over his journey, he learned that he could not please everyone. Early on, he tried to compete with companies like Wix and WordPress on price and customization. This had him working long hours and not making any money. It was during this moment that he realized he would be better suited to compete on quality instead of price. When you only compete on price, having the lowest price is the only way to win. If you have the second lowest price, you still lose. If you compete on value, you will be able to differentiate yourself in the market and build a loyal following. This is also true when branding yourself for a job interview. If the only distinguishing factor you offer the hiring manager is you will accept a lowest salary – what are you going to do when you get the job? We sometimes overlook how unsatisfied we will be if we accept a job below market value. We will find ourselves disgruntled, and frustrated with the company for paying so little for so much work.

Kashurba also shared his experience allowing companies to make changes to their advertising campaigns. When asking someone who owned a digital agency how they handle clients who wanted to change their advertising campaigns, the owner told Kashurba he did not allow it. We sometimes overlook our ability to say no to a request. We do not have to accept changes our systems cannot process. By setting expectations, you will be able to find your ideal situation. Whether that is choosing a company to work for a client to work with.

HopeSeeker’s Forecast:

PONDER. Creating a brand for yourself will help you to attract the right people. When you portray yourself as everything to everyone, you will be overworked and your customers will be unsatisfied. CONNECT. Have you ever worked at a company that always said to yes to the customer? What were some of the limitations to accepting requests the company was not set up to handle? ACCOMPLISH. Accept the fact you cannot please everyone. Be true and honest with yourself first, and it will become much easier to be honest with everyone else.

Forecast Hope | Be More

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